1. Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
2. Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards? Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says 'To the only boy I ever loved'. Gal: Great! I want 10 of them.
3. Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.
4. Man : How old is your father? Boy : As old as me, Man : How can that be? Boy : He became a father only when I was born?
5. If someone passed any degree after graduation its called Post Graduate, if some passed a degree after masters, what it would be called? Simple....... Post Master
6. Customer: How much is that banana for? Salesman: Rs.10. Customer: Can you sell it to me for Rs.6? Salesman: At that rate, you will only get the banana peel. Customer: Ok I will buy the banana for Rs.4, but you can keep the peel!
7. Say who is guilty……………….Wife dreaming in the midnight & suddenly shouts "Quick my husband is back." Man gets up, jumps out of the window n realises damn, I am the husband ;)
8. In a train, ticket checker to a saint: Ticket please! Saint: I don't have. TT: Where do you want to go? Saint: Lord Ram's birth place, Ayodhya! TT: Come, lets go! Saint: Where? TT: Lord Krishna'a birth place, Jail.
9. A boy: I love your daughter since 5 months. Girl’s Father: How can u prove it. Boy: wait for 4 month... u will believe yourself.
10. A sardarji Doctor falls in Love with a Nurse. He writes a love letter to the Nurse :- I Love U sister....
11. Husband wanted to call the hospital to ask about his pregnant wife, but accidently called the cricket stadium. He asks, "How's the situation?" He was shocked & nearly died on hearing the reply. They said, "It's fine. 3 are out, hope to get another 7 out by lunch, last one was a duck!".. :P
12. READ THIS SCARY STORY IF YOU DARE…. On a rainy day, an old man was standing with a book for sale. A young man came to buy. He bought the book for Rs.3000. Old man advised "DONT OPEN LAST PAGE OF THE BOOK othrwise YOU’ll face problem." Man finished the book with great fear but didnt open the last page. But, after a week, Out of curiosity he opend the last page and…he almost fainted to see…………………………………………………….. Retail Price: Rs 30/-
13. Teacher: Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field." Student: "A cow and a bull is grazing in the field." Teacher: How? Student: Ladies first.
14. A man saw his wife sleeping wd his friend. He took a gun and shot him. Wife says in anger "if you behave in this way u’ll lose all your friends.”
15. On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him, Darling on our engagement day, will u give me a ring? Sardar - sure but from landline or mobile?
16. A doctor says to patient’s brother: “if you would have brought him 1 hour before, I could have saved him.” Patient’s brother: “But the accident has occurred 15 mins back.”
17. Birdy birdy in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye, I don't worry I don't cry, I'm just happy that cows can't fly!
18. Keep.....................IN TOUCH WID ME..... OTHERWISE............................1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 ALL..........UR TEETH WILL B BROKEN!!!
19. Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three? Husband: 4 u and your parents.
20. I have a confession to make ever since i met u it’s been hard for me to 4get u every night i see u in my dreams and find myself shouting …..GHOST GHOST
21. Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything? Banta: u can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything :-)
22. A boy goes to see a dance. His mom angrily asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see? Boy: yes, I saw dad!
23. Major Rohail: Dude EGGS are extra salty today? Tooo much Salt..why? Waiter: Sir hen is suffering from high blood Pressure.
24. A baby mosquito came back after its 1st fight. Dad asked: “how did u feel?” It replied: “Dad it was wonderful. evry1 ws clappin 4 me” Moral: Take everything positively.
25. Soldier: Sir, we are surrounded! Major: Excellent! We can attack in any direction now!
26. A very old lady teacher of English asks this question with the class: When I say “I am beautiful”, which tense is it? One pupil answered: It’s the past tense of course.
27. Employer: In this job we need someone who is responsible? Applicant: I am the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.
28. Hitler says,“There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary” Banta says: what’s the use in crying over spilt milk? “ You should have checked before buying it”:D
29. Professor: Chemical symbol of Barium? Banta: BA. Professor: For sodium? Banta: NA. Professor: What will we get if 1 atom of BA & 2 atoms of NA combined? Banta: BANANA.
30. Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller? Tommy: A girl on the cover And no cover on the girl.
31. When i open my eyes every morning i pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you.... Why should only i suffer!!!
32. Do U know the full form of COLLEGE- C-Come, O-On, L-Lets, L-Love, E-Each, G-Girl, E-Equally......That’s why boys go to college regularly....
33. Who said English is easy???Fill in the blank with YES or No... 1.-----I don’t have brain... 2.-----I don’t have sense... 3.-----I am stupid....
34. Jesus says to John come forth I’ll give you eternal life. John came fifth he won a toaster.
35. Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday? Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.